Desi's Amputation

Our sugar glider had to have his leg amputated. I was devastated but he's such a trooper and recovering so well! Plus this makes for an excellent bonding time (trying to stay positive).
Check out the video to see the little guy!

Craftastic Penguin - A facebook shop of art and jewelry!

Sure, there are lots of shops out there with all kinds of media and merchandise. This one, however, is a little more personal. It's not a franchise or chain store. It is a privately owned business with some nice art and a growing handmade jewelry selection at good prices!With Christmas coming up it may not be a bad idea to check out for some one of a kind art and rare jewelry styles. Go here: https://www.facebook.com/CraftasticPenguin/ to visit the site. You will need a facebook account to see it and if you do please like and share this cute little shop!

I Love Lucy Ornamental Heart Sketch

I'm a huge I Love Lucy fan and wanted to come up with a tattoo design. This is what I made and I did a quick little time lapse video of it. Please take a moment and swing by to watch the video. If you like my art please go to my channel and subscribe!
Thank you for stopping by!

Sugar Glider BML Recipe Tutorial

https://youtu.be/Ju_zOYfxSuc

This is just a quick video on how to make the BML formula for sugar gliders. Ingredients in the description.  Take a moment to check it out if you have these awesome Furbabies!

Tips On Online Cheap Shopping

Hello there! I know there's a lot of people out there who likes to shop online in the comfort of their own home. You can find some really nice items for real cheap too but there's a trick to it when it comes to the foreign based sites like Wish, Aliexpress and Dresslink. I'm going to give you some pointers on how to find good quality items for a great deal and not get ripped off! Tip 1: Pictures When you go to a foreign based site the first thing you'll want to do when you find something you may want to buy is to pay close attention to the pictures. Most of these sites will offer several pictures of an item, especially clothing, and here's the thing most people don't realize about these pictures...a lot of them are stolen from the original designers. If you're buying clothes off of a site like Wish they will often have a picture of a white person modeling a piece of clothing. This is your first sign this is a remake of that item. Given the fact that some of these sites (especially Wish) are just a hoard of many manufacturers, you may find the same picture floating around several times. This is because there are several companies trying to sell the same item. What you need to do is find the review pictures which usually end up at the end of the roll where people who have bought that particular item show what it really looks like. Sometimes it's just like in the advertising picture, sometimes it's far from it. This is where you can decide for yourself if it's worth buying which leads me to my next tip... Tip 2: Reviews Reviews should play a huge role in your deciding factor. Given that most of these sites allow people to add a picture to their review, they can also tell you if the sizing was good, material quality, shipping speeds, damages, ect. Reviews are extremely helpful in knowing if the item is worth while. Tip 3: Best price Like I stated before, some of these sites are just a cluster of different companies that sell similar products. If you find an item you like, browse around some more. Look to see if you can find the same item for a lower price. Sometimes you will. Tip 4: Sizing Now if you are buying clothes or shoes from some of these sites the main thing to remember is this; sites based in a foreign county will have different sizing charts than your own. If you're in America and buy from Wish, Aliexpress, Dresslink, ect. pay attention to their sizing chart! If you're a medium in America, you may be a large or xl in china. I personally am an xs in America but usually I have to order size small or medium when shopping on these sites because of the difference. They usually have a chart you can look at in the description if you don't know your size and will have a converter available for you to figure it out. It's very helpful. Tip 5: Patience Bear in mind your order is coming from another country so it will take a few weeks to get to you. When I order from Wish my items can take anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 weeks to get to me so you'll need some patience until your order arrives. The orders will often come with tracking as well (though not always effective). Advisement I would strongly recommend not buying wet or gelatinous beauty supplies (lipstick, gloss, polish, creams, fragrances, ect) from another county. The main reason is this; They will be going through all kinds of climates, altitudes and handling to get to you. If you order say lipstick there's a good chance it will have melted and re-hardened into a different form by the time it gets to your door. Also, given most of their make up and beauty supplies are around $1 the quality wont be that great. Almost all the reviews I've read and watched there has almost always been something wrong with the make up whether it's melted, smells funny, or just doesn't apply correctly. Be cautious when buying these types of items on these sites. Another thing is Ebay is another host for some of these companies. If you look for your item on ebay, you may find it with free shipping! Over all, I love shopping on these sites. I've found some adorable vintage dresses, jewelry, accessories and decor on these sites for fantastic prices. As long as you know what to look for I guarantee you will rarely be disappointed!

Mosaic Octopus Acrylic Painting, Time Lapse (Part 2)

Finally finished my latest painting! After a few months of commissions I had the last couple of days to myself. So relieved and looking forward to making the next one! It is currently up for sale in Etsy (link in video description). Enjoy and if you have a channel of your own please subscribe for more! Thank you!

Trump for President (my opinion)

So Trump won. America is now divided and hate is abundant. Mission accomplished Mr. President. Neither options were good choices but given the circumstances here's why I didn't vote for Trump... First off, he spreads hate. He just showed the world and all our children that you can treat other races, sexualities and women poorly and be rewarded for it. "Grab them by the pussy", "They can go fuck themselves" is the kind of language and attitude our new president uses. This is NOT the kind of role model I want any child or future child to look up to. Good job America. How about the fact he has no political experience? Let's put it this way; Say you need a root canal. Would you rather go to a dentist who has had 30 years of experience or would you go to a bored businessman who's never touched a dental tool in his life but says "Yeah, I think I'm right for the job."? This is where we just used common sense which leads me to a hilarious chart I saw a couple of days ago on how the majority of Trumps voters have little to no education (high school or college degree) and even the New York Times explains how he played on the uneducated to win their support. Does this mean America just showed the rest of the world how stupid we are? Still, you don't have to have a college degree to have common sense. It's not rocket science. America has already been the laughing stock of the world, now we're just plain pathetic. There's also the fact that Trump does not like to listen to others. Given his lack of experience he needs to be consulted and advised on how to do his own job but since he's use to being the boss he doesn't like to take orders. American is just another toy in his toy box and he's not going to want to be told how to play with it. He didn't even want the job. Why the hell would anyone run if they didn't even want to be president? Because they think that anyone else would be better than the other option? That is absolutely ridiculous! One needs much better reasons to run other than boredom and to make sure the other doesn't get into office. It's selfish and ignorant. Trump will set us back 100, maybe even 200 years if he carries out what he says he's going to do and I for one would rather move forward, not backwards. You can call me a sore loser but please don't be so ignorant to the facts or turn a blind eye to morality as he has rallied people to do. Don't be a mindless sheep in the flock and learn to think for yourselves. I have great concern for the next 4 years but all we can do now is wait and see what he does. "Expect the worst, hope for the best."

Tips On How to Care for Your Baby Yellow Belly Turtle

Hello everyone! Having pets can be a great benefit and there are so many different types of pets you can have to help improve your quality of life. Right now I'm going to focus on the yellow bellied turtle. These guys you normally see in a flea market or pet store being sold as tiny babies, usually barely larger than a quarter. We actually found ours on our property (I nearly stepped on him he was so tiny) and through trial and error, advice from experts and lots of research I've managed to give our new little guy a happy new home. This is little Mikey (like the tmnt turtle)

At first I thought he was a red eared slider since I found him in the wild but after research and showing pictures to a couple of store owners it was to my relief (since red ear sliders are an illegal invasive species in Florida) that he is not. He lives in a 10 gallon tank (we will transfer him as he grows bigger) and has gotten so used to us now he will eat out of our hands. Now I am by no means an expert, these tips are what I've learned from experience and much research. So lets get started!

Tip One: Environment Make sure you have your basics before bringing home your turtle. A proper aquarium, food, ramp, rocks (if you choose)and filter. These are the essentials for a turtle. I would recommend a 10 gallon aquarium or larger since your turtle will outgrow a smaller environment. The saying that these turtles will only grow as much as their environment will allow is a myth. I know this from experience of having turtles long before. I had bought a turtle at a flea market and got one of those tiny cute little plastic habitats for it. Within months he was too big for it. So make sure you start off at a reasonable size. Having the right food is also important. We rotate between the pellets and dried insects. No more than 2-3 per day. Turtles are opportunistic eaters and will keep eating if you keep feeding them. This can cause them to outgrow their shell which can cause severe complications or even death. So make sure you don't over feed it. Turtles are semi-aquatic creatures so makes sure he has a place he can dry off at. Being in the water at all times can cause problems for their skin and shell. A ramp or island of sorts is ideal along with a heat lamp. Mine loves to bask in his heat lamp and I often catch him stretched out on his little ramp.

If you want to layer the bottom of your aquarium with something, DO NOT USE GRAVEL! Like mentioned previously, they are opportunistic eaters and may try to eat bits of the gravel which can get lodged in their intestines and kill them. Use large rocks, marbles or stones if you want to add a bottom layer to your tank.

A filter is a must. Without a filter, you'll need to change the water almost daily in order to keep a clean and healthy environment for your turtle. Filters will help reduce the amount of water changes you'll need to do.There are alot of filter options out there too. For ours,I use cascade 300 and I only change the water once a month, the same time I replace the filter cartridge. I use a siphon to get up all the excess waste that get caught between the rocks and will only do a 50% water change.

Tip Two: Sanitation After handling your turtle or doing water changes make sure you thoroughly clean your hands. Turtles can carry salmonella and they create a lot of waste in their water so keeping yourself clean afterwards is a must!

Tip Three: Tank Mates Now from what I've read and heard from others this is more or less a hit or miss. Given the fact that turtles create alot of waste in the water it can make the water not an ideal place for most other fish to live in plus, again, turtles are opportunistic eaters so they may try to take a bite out of anything you put into the tank. But there are a few that can work with your turtle if you are careful and keep an eye on it well enough. One for example is the common Pleco fish (algae eater). These guys have a tougher exterior than most fish and are surprisingly fast if they need to swim away from a bite. We've had ours as long as we've had Little Mikey and they've done great together. Plus our Pleco (Specs)seems to be outgrowing Little Mikey so he may be a bit too intimidated to try. Another good tank mate are Ghost shrimp. These guys are very cheap (I get mine 10/$1) and since they are harder to see the turtle generally ignores them. Plus having these two species help keep the tank clean of algae! Bonus. Another one I've tried was the cory catfish. These are another type of bottom feeder that don't get very big and are fast swimmers. I had them in with Little Mikey for about a month and they did great with him before we decided to move them to our 55gal tank. We also had a rainbow shark with the turtle and other fish. Even though he also did well, rainbow sharks are semi aggressive and territorial and being in such a small tank with other fish we decided to also move him with the catfish to the larger tank. Now fish we tried that didn't work out so well - Fancy guppies. They were a nice snack for Little Mikey. I would not recommend adding guppies with a turtle or any slower swimming fish with bright colors.

Tip Four: Live Plants You can add live plants to your turtle aquarium but I will tell you now: They won't last. Turtles love to eat plants and will munch on any live plants you add to your tank. Little Mikey's aquarium had live plants for only a couple of weeks before he devoured or killed them off. Also depending on the plants, they can clog your filter if they get loosened. You will also need to be careful with artificial plants as well given your turtle may not be able to tell the difference and may try to eat those as well. We have some plastic grass as well as a tougher artificial plant but not too much. These are just some of the basics we've learned on how to make a happy little home for our new friend. I hope this helps you in the future and in deciding on your new friend as well. Cheers!

Facebook Drama, Oh Joy...

I've seen this link going around on facebook about wonderwoman being queer and didn't think much of it. One of my friends got excited and was one of the posters. My boyfriend makes a simple, silly comment and shit blows up over it... I screen shoted everything and even though I stayed respectful on my friends post for her sake (unlike most others on there)I will not be so kind on my own website. Even though it is my own rant, I atleast respected the privacy of everyone there but the ignorance, disrespect and immaturity of these people is now public for all to see! Go here(don't forget your popcorn) http://www.ljpengu.com/my-blog to read the nonsense. Enjoy!

Chain mail Dice Bag/Coin purse

Look at this on eBay http://www.ebay.com/itm/122112016908

Since my fiance plays Dungeons and dragons every week I've found myself in the habit of making more and more Chain mail items. I have a couple extras up for sale! This one is a basic design with a neat arrow head pull string. It doesn't have to be for dice either. It would be a great accessory for larping or just holding some change. Grab it while you can!

World of Warcraft Legion: Making the World Safe for Profit (Can't find the Queen?) Location

This is a video that shows the location of Queen Kraklaa incase anyone is having trouble finding her.

Legion: Warlock Leveling Guide

Legion will be here in less than 24 hours and I bet you're as excited as I am! And just like previous expansions, we will have some leveling to do in order to get caught back up. For some reason I've always found leveling easier than the rest of the game play and even though Warlock was never my first choice, for me, it is the easiest to level. So lets get to it... The fastest way I've ever leveled has been with affliction. Dotting several enemies at once while letting your Voidwalker do the tanking drops the enemies fairly fast while never being touched. *Here are my specs for my talent tree thus far: 15: Haunt - deals extra damage 30: Contagion - Unstable affliction gets 15% extra damage 45: Demon Skin - Soul leech recharges and can absorb 20% max health. 60: Siphon Life - Siphons targets life essence, dealing damage and healing you for 100% of damage. 75: Dark Pact - Sacrifices 20% of your demon's health to shield you for 400% of sacrificed health for 20 sec. (can be useful when being attacked by multiple targets your demon does not have aggro on). 90: Grimoire of Service - Summons a second demon for 25 seconds for extra damage (who wouldn't want more help?) 100: Phantom of Singularity - places a dot above the target consuming life of all enemies within 25 yards dealing extra damage while healing you. (very helpful when in a bind. Soul conduit would be my second choice considering how many soul shards I use.) Now for the rotation: As you pick your targets begin dotting them up with ... 1.Unstable affliction - Haunt (try to cast these two as close together as possible) 2. Corruption - Siphon Life - Agony 3. Use Drain Life on individual targets while waiting until dots are up or target is dead. Continue the 3 steps until targets are dead. *Seed of corruption is good when you have multiple targets grouped together. Use only on one target at a time. *If your health is at max or pretty good and your demon may be taking on too much to handle and is close to death use Health Funnel to heal it, sacrificing some of your own health. ~TIPS~ *Remember to keep fear on hand in case your demon dies and/or you become overrun but too many targets or too strong an opponent. *ALWAYS keep a soul stone and health stones on hand. *When in a group (such as a dungeon or raid) your fell hunter will be a better companion. Voidwalkers can get in the way of tanks.) *Remember you can life tap if you run low on mana. With all the extra healing your spells should be doing you should have plenty of health to sacrifice. This is just a basic run down to help people who struggle understanding concepts of the game. I've tried to simplify it for those who may have trouble absorbing the mechanics all at once. With this, once you get the hang of it, the rest begins to become easier to understand. I hope it helped for some, if not most of you. Happy leveling in the new expansion!

World of Warcraft: Legion Draenor Quest line Bug Fix

I spent a good half hour trying to figure out why I wasnt seeing Khadgar. Was he on a platform? Flew up and saw none. Was he underground? Given Draenor is a flying Island, no. Finally I did some reading seeing if anyone else was having the same issue. They were. Though most didn't have a solution I saw one comment on a remedy that worked. Simply log out and log back in. So I tried it and it definitely did work! I also recorded it on my OBS system and uploaded it to youtube to show other players that it should work for them as well so if you're stuck on this as I was just give it a try. If you need proof or want to make sure its the same spot as what I'm talking about then check out my video below. When Legion is finally released (I pre-ordered it)I will hopefully have more videos up on what to expect so please like and subscribe to my channel! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8gtFZeoVcM

Fist Day of School a Disaster?

After only a week's break my first day didn't go as planned. I showed up for my 3d Design class five minutes early and met my only classmate. That was a bad sign. Eight students are required to make a course. I asked her if she had gotten her supplies from the book store yet and she tells me they werent going to get them in for six weeks. This is normal for our college. Every art class ive taken the book store always screws up with the orders, putting us in a bad spot. Still it irritated me to hear this. About 20 minutes of waiting the head of the art department showed up instead of the instructor. Bad sign number two. He then looks at me and says jokingly "I must be the angel of death to you." This was the third time an art class I've signed up for has been cancelled.

Not quite knowing what to do next I head over to registration to see what classes are available. It's the first day of school and I only see 3 countless working when I know there's at least 5 for our campus. One hour after signing in I talk to a counter who kept confusing my ID number and didn't understand the program I'm in...great. I tried to keep in mind her day is very busy and probably just as rough as mine was turning out to be. She eventually manages to help me find an available class that I (now late) have registered for and I head to the bookstore. I partially expected the line to be out the door. I decided to try again later in the week before my next class.

Heading home I'm both disappointed and stressed so I swing by a fast food joint (which I am not suppose to eat) who's drive through takes 20 minutes with only 4 cars ahead of me. It's lunch time so go figure right? I make it him to find a roommates parent parked directly across the driveway to which I begin honking vigorously. I'm not in the mood for this shit, they should know better.
Once I get inside I sit and scarf down my food, a clear sign I'm in a bad mood and am heavily avoided by everyone. First smart move I've seen anyone make today.

I am now lying in bed loaded with medicine to prevent sickness and anxiety attacks and venting to whomever will read this.

Going back to my origional motto: expect the worst and hope for the best. Taking this on sooner would have left me only slightly annoyed.

Hope everyone else is having better luck today.
/rant over

Dungeons and Dragons Husky

https://youtu.be/k260lmtMzVg

While we were playing Moon wanted some love. She's not normally affectionate so I had to record her calmness.

My Wrath *2003

Anger has spilled hatred in it's growing rage Guns raining blood Sounding cries and screams Freeze the falling tear To match their icy hearts Retaliating with fire Burning into history's part. Souls bound by weight Sad spirits weep Laughter and smiles forgotten Now acquainted with fear. Bodies buried in shallow graves Left to mingle with death Silence surviving all these years Drowned by emptiness Calm quiet kin Too stubborn to fall Cherish this every moment Destroying our salvation. This was a poem I wrote on terrorism back when I was a teen. I don't remember if it was for school or just to get something out of my system but there it is.

Moon the Husky Playing With Desi the Sugar Glider in a Hamster Ball

We put our white sugar glider Desi in a hamster ball and our husky decided to help him learn how to hamster. It was an interesting experiment to say the least and good bonding time for them.!

Youtube Celebreties - Jenna Marbles Review

I spend a lot of time on youtube. It's a great time killer, full of diy's, how to's and all sorts of aspects of life. It's also a very opinionated place. I've come across several youtube celebrities and even follow some of them. One of which is Jenna Marbles. I've seen some nasty comments on her for her looks, character, personality and topics but this is a positive review. I enjoy her videos. I find her funny and smart (despite her child like nature and cursing). She is an adult after all and can act and live in whatever manner makes her happy just as anyone else. My fiance says she's only a hit because she cakes on the makeup to be a hottie but I don't agree. Through her rants and opinions I've found she brings up good points on life. For example in one of her videos "People who need to pipe the fuck down", my interpretation is she speaks of merely respecting those around you. She talks about how people need to be more aware of their surroundings in regards of not walking into each other (an annoyance I can relate to) or how relentless kiosks vendors can be bothersome (also relate-able). Granted most of her videos are more based on humor and revolve around her life, if you pay attention to some of her points of view, you may find she brings up good points in some of her videos. Jenna is just living her life as best she can and enjoying is to the fullest and sharing it with us. This is what I love about youtubers. There's nothing wrong with letting people in if you have the confidence to do so. I would but lets face it...I'm not that funny otherwise I'd make this a vlog instead. Sure I can have fun and be silly with my friends but put me infront of a camera or strangers I'll freeze. But watching others who have that extrovert personality and confidence to make strangers smile inspires me and hopefully one day others like me will learn to open up more. So go check her out if you havent all ready (if you don't mind a lot of cursing)lol. She may make you smile.

Mosaic Octopus Time Lapse Painting (Part 1)

My latest project. Check out my youtube page for more art and videos. Don't forget to subscribe and share!

Husky play Video

Been in bed sick and my fiance was playing with Moon. She was being too funny I had to record it. Cheered me up too

Pokemon Go will send you into hell...

...if you live in the hot southern states. Haha, did I get you? Living in Florida is no joke. The summers here are brutal and winters feel like summer should feel. Trying to play this game in the summer can be dangerous if proper precautions arent taken. If you live in a hot state like I do and want to play the game, make sure you drink LOTS OF WATER! When it first came out and people around me were leveling fast I wanted to catch up. I went to one of our parks after my class and it was in the middle of the day,, 94 degrees outside. The park had 8 pokestops and silly me decided to take a soda. Sure enough I blacked out from dehydration once I got home after spending just two hours at the park. Even though I would stop under every bit of shade I could find I still paid the price of not drinking enough water. Soda was a bad idea on my part. It's also better to go during the cooler hours of the day, like early morning or in the evening/night. I went during the hottest part of the day which wasn't wise. Sure enough I learned my lesson and even though I'm still a lower level that all my friends I've learned to take it easy and go when appropriate for me. Be careful playing the game. If you insist on playing while driving make sure to have a passenger who can do it for you so you can focus on the road. Don't play yourself while driving. I would say watch where you're walking to (stay aware of your surroundings) but seeing people walk into trees, benches, ect is just too funny. I was amazed at how many people I saw at the parks I visited though. I had never seen so many people here before and even made a couple new acquaintances. It definitely does bring people together but also be careful with strangers. There are still bad people out there who can take advantage of this and may try to take advantage of you. Proceed with caution but don't let that stop you from enjoying the game!

Breaking 2008

I'm sick of the past And fear the future Responsible for my mistakes And guilty for my pain. All wounds open All thoughts fade Tears of blood sustain my cries As the beauty of life dies. Battles of hope cease Chained to familiar misery Poisoned with hate Longing for deliverance. My heart screams its sorrows As my soul shatters Picking up the pieces I bleed no more Clearly taken over As I'm breaking Slowly dieing inside. Copyrighted 2008 by LJPengu

Online Shopping Wish App Review (jewelry)

I do alot of online shopping and have managed to find some great sites for getting cute stuff for real cheap! Check out this review I did for some of the jewelry I've purchased in the past on Wish and Aliexpress. All you need is some patience for the items to arrive. I've rarely been disappointed. I've also got another review on clothes on the same channel. Like and subscribe!Wish App Review Youtube

Test Anxiety

Even with my panic disorder I’ve never had test anxiety before I started taking college algebra. Math has always been a difficult subject for me (which is one of the reasons I chose to go into art) but after I failed the first time around I became worried.
A lot of people may struggle with school and get nervous when exams come around. I do great in any other subject but this threw me through a loop! This semester was my third attempt to get through this class and I had a lot riding on it. If I didn’t pass I would of had to drop out! Going through the grade forgiveness made this the last time I could take the class and without it is wouldn’t get my degree. But I made it. I managed to pass!
I had so much riding on this I barely made it through the exam. My stomach was torn up, I was having panic attacks and trying hard not to puke. Test anxiety is a real thing and I experienced it for the first time.
If anyone else goes through this just remember, it’s only temporary and is worth it in the end! If I can make it through something like that so can you! Don’t ever give up!

Don't Undersestimate Anxiety Disorders.

     Everyone gets anxiety at some time in their life. It's completely natural at certain levels. But there are those who have to deal with so much more than just your normal amount of stress...
    
      There are different types of anxiety disorders and many people who suffer from them but to day I'm only going to talk about one of them: Panic Disorder. Why? Because it's what I suffer from. I understand all to well what it's like to be constantly on edge, fearing the next panic attack and struggling just to make it out of the front door. I'm going to do my best to describe what life is like with this disorder so hopefully others will gain a better understanding of people who suffer from it.

     I often wake up in the morning wondering if I'm going to make it through the day. People will often say "Take it one day at a time." but in my case I have to take it one hour at a time, often also focusing on even less than that.

I have emetophobia, which is the intense fear of vomiting and on top of that I am currently being tested for Chrone's Disease for constant nausea and diarrhea that I experience. I'm terrified to eat most of the time for fear that I'll get sick. I rarely ever eat breakfast. In fact I often wake up very nauseated or in extreme pain in my sides. If I have somewhere I have to be such as school or work I have to give myself 2-3 hours to get over the discomfort so I often wake up long before I should need to just to get ready for the day. While I'm out I rarely eat. If i'm out of town I wont eat at all. I've gone days without eating just so I can be with family or have new experiences with my fiance. If I get sick and I'm not at home I will have a full blown panic attack and want to come straight home. The way I see it, I'd rather be hungry than sick and/or having a panic attack otherwise I wont be able to focus or concentrate on what I need to. If I have a trip planned the next day I wont eat the day/night before just so I can get out the door the next morning. Since food is a major trigger for me it's one of the things I avoid most (which sucks because I do love to eat when I can).

   What does a panic attack feel like? It varies from person to person but what we all have in common is we feel an immense amount of fear. It's not always the  "Oh my God I'm going to die!" kind of fear but more of a "This is never going to end" kind (which for some people can be much worse which is why many will commit suicide just to end their suffering). It's both mentally and physically exhausting. Kinda like running a marathon and studying for a final exam at the same time.

For me, when I go into a panic attack it always starts with nausea. I will begin to feel queasy, like a lump in my throat that I can't get rid of. It slowly starts to grow into the urge to gag even if my stomach feels fine. It usually is in just my throat. As that is happening the fear will hit. "Please don't throw up" is repeated  in my head. I'll instantly become extremely lightheaded and unable to concentrate on anything around me which is just as terrifying to not have control of your own mind. I'll get cold sweats, my hands and feet will become very cold yet my body may feel like its on fire. Sometimes my body will even go numb. I'll get shaky, pounding heart, trouble catching my breath and will have trouble staying still. If i'm in bed trying to calm down I will be squirming. I rarely throw up (thank god) due to my fear of vomiting I've somehow managed a mind over matter trick to where I can fight the actual action. I'll often get diarrhea or some form of sour stomach which doesn't help. I tend to mentally prepare for the worst case scenario. If I end up having an attack at night, it'll keep me awake until it subsides just enough for me to pass out from the exhaustion. 

     One of my go-to's to calm down is I Love Lucy. I found in high school whenever reruns would come on tv it was funny enough to distract me when I'd have an attack. So I went out and bought every season! Other shows that help are also sitcoms such as Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Two and a Half Men and King of Queens. I also enjoy anime but the only one I'll watch during an attack is Azumanga Daioh. These shows help distract me and even make me laugh a little when I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare. I'll sometimes have something else going on too like a craft or piece of art I'm working on as long as it's something I can do in bed. If I'm in public, the first thing I'll do is get away from strangers. It's really embarrassing to go through an attack infront of people who doesn't know whats wrong with you. Sometimes walking around a little will help burn off some of the adrenaline rush I'll be having. I try to make sure there's a bathroom near "just in case". At home I'll have a trash can with a new trash liner (just in case I do end up throwing up), Ice water for hydration, a cold wet rag for when I feel I'm burning up, my medicine on my nightstand (I take anti-anxiety meds which usually help calm me down) and whatever distraction I need going in the background. This is the process I go through.

     It's very difficult to keep people in my life because of this. I often loose the motivation to see my friends and spend alot of time at home. It can be hard to date someone who goes through this as well. They wont be able to experience and enjoy things as much as most people would like. My family, fiance and friends have all be amazing and understanding though. My parents have always been there for me, trying to help me when they can. My fiance is always supportive. He stays near when he can when I'm sick or having an attack and tries to nurse me back to health. He's lasted an amazing 7 years with me so far. My friends don't pressure me to leave my comfort zone yet always come over when I'm ready to see them again. They're all very patient with me and do their best to make sure I'm comfortable. I count myself very lucky because of this. I am truly blessed with the people in my life and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Not even a normal life, which I would give almost anything for (almost). But still...because of what I go through and what I know I put them though I cant help but still feel like a burden and annoyance to the people in my life. It's a constant battle mentally to try and live with this type of problem. "Will they reject me? Do they see me as weak? Am I annoying them? Will they give up on me?" Are thoughts that are hard to shake.

Even if I begin to feel confident enough to not have them directly in my mind I can still feel them in the back of my mind. It also makes it hard to meet new people. "Am I being too awkward? Am I weird? What does this person think of me?" Is also a struggle. But even with these thoughts I have managed to gain the strength to say "Hi".
     I eventually learned to push myself out of my comfort zone and try new things. I try to live as normal as I can even though the attacks and fears are still there. I had to mentally train myself to remember that they are only temporary and I will eventually be ok.

     It's not an easy life. It's very difficult to maintain a job or stay in school when someone goes through this on nearly a daily basis. So often people in my situation end up finding themselves unable to keep a job or work or keep up with classes and end up staying at home. It's not a matter of being lazy, its a matter of being disabled by your own mind and body. Not crazy enough to be in an asylum but not well enough to function like a normal person. That limbo of two ways of life. So before you tell someone "You're over reacting." or "Just calm down and get over it." try to understand exactly what they're going through and feeling. And if you're the one going through something like this just remember you're not alone and there are ways to manage it and help available.

Georgia O'Keefe Oil Painting Rendition (origional)

If you're a Georgia O'Keefe fan or love morning glories and the desert, this painting is for you! This is an original oil painting rendition of two of Miss O'Keefe's works. It's small enough to hang just about anywhere and would look great in a brightly lit room.  https://www.etsy.com/listing/293811391/morning-glories-in-the-desert-georgia

5 Easy Steps on Caring for Your Husky Princess

This is just a silly video I did with my husky, Moon. Like and subscribe if it made you laugh/smile! :)